Grins & Giggles

THE LIGHTER SIDE OF LIFE FROM CHILDHOOD THROUGH RETIREMENT

edited by Margaret G. Bigger

Pooh Bear
When our youngest daughter Martha, celebrated her second Christmas, my brother Vernon, sent her a Winnie-the-Pooh bear. He was a wonderful bear, putty colored, soft and cuddly, dressed in a bright teal sweater. Martha finally got the big decorated box undone, and I exclaimed excitedly, "Oh, it's Pooh!"
She immediately ran to the powder room, threw him into the toilet and flushed. Of course, the bathroom was soon flooded with a stuffed bear in the commode.
Martha was being potty-trained and thought Pooh was something else. -Joy S. Burton

Scarlet Letters
V-J Day! We could hardly believe it. The war was over.
I was Air Force Librarian at Mitchel Field, Long Island, New York. I sailed through the Post Library spreading the news. "I'm going to Times Square on the Long Island Railroad train. If anyone would like to join me, come along."
Four soldiers, three WAFs, and 15 members of the French Air Force joined me. None of the Frenchmen could speak English.
Once on the Long Island Railroad, we decided we should identify the members of our group, especially since some had a language problem. Suppose they wandered away from us? A flash of inspirationčlipstick! We could write "V J" on our foreheads.
Oh no! Jean, the young Frenchman riding beside me, had confused Victory over Japan with Victory Day. He had written indelibly on my forehead: "V.D."
Then a soldier saw me. "Wow!" he said. "You'll be the safest woman on Times Square tonight."
-Katherine Kennedy McIntyre

You Can't Go Home Again
My parents retired to the North Carolina mountains, where they had summered many years previously. Winding her way slowly up US 176 one day, Mother saw two overalled men standing beside a weary pickup truck. Thinking she recognized one as the local stonemason, Hix Hill, she waved out the window to them, calling gaily, "Hi, Hix!"
The indignant mountaineers were total strangers. -Ben Ancrum

Watch Out For That Sucker!
My five-year-old nephew Warren was a devoted thumb-sucker. His mother had done everything she could think of to stop his habit. Finally, she came up with a threat, "If you keep sucking that thumb, someday you will blow up and burst."
She was pleased with the effectiveness of her white lie until the day she and her son were waiting at a street corner for a light to change. A very pregnant woman was standing beside them. Warren looked at the stranger curiously. He walked around one side to get a better glimpse, then glanced up at her shyly and said, "I know what you've been doing!"
-Selby A. Daniels

He-She
One evening, I skidded on a wet kitchen floor, fell and broke my leg. My huge gorgeous Samoyed dogs responded at once. Kiesh, the male, sat down on my stomach and tenderly licked my face. Natasha, the female, rushed to the front door and barked loudly until my husband (in the front yard) came to my rescue.
I described this to my friend, Ann Black. "Isn't that just like a woman?" I observed. "Natasha took action, ran to get help."
"And isn't that just like a man?" said Ann. "Sees a woman lying on the floor and, right away, jumps on top of her."
-Katherine Kennedy McIntyre

From :Gray-Haired Grins and Giggles, Edited by Margaret G. Bigger. © 1995 by A. Borough Books. Excerpted by arrangement with A. Borough Books. $12.95. Available by calling 800-843-8490.