by Echo Bodine

What most people believe to be the other side,
I consider home. We are all just working our way back.
-Sam DiPaola

Many people have asked me if it is possible to communicate with a loved one who has passed away and, if so, how to do it. Loved ones usually try to get messages through to us to let us know how they are doing. They will communicate through psychics. They will try to appear to us. Sometimes they will come to us and project a smell that will remind us of them. Other times we will be sitting quietly or perhaps taking a walk we once enjoyed together, and we will intuitively know they are there with us. They also work through electricity - turning TVs and radios on and off, affecting lights, doorbells, phones. They seem to be able to manipulate energy - most likely because they're energy!

A few years ago I was channeling healings to a dear friend who was dying of cancer. The afternoon he died, I was sitting in my kitchen. All of a sudden a breeze blew the kitchen curtain and someone held my hands for a brief second. I heard a voice whisper, "Thank you." It all happened so fast I wondered if I had imagined it. About an hour later a mutual friend called to tell me he had died. The time of his death was moments before my experience. Spirits or deceased loved ones don't all speak. Some think to us; their messages come through as thoughts. What can make it difficult for the medium is that the deceased's thoughts and the medium's thoughts sound exactly the same, so the medium has to learn how to distinguish between the two. They also communicate with us through images, pictures in our minds. We receive pictures, one at a time. Again, interpretation is the key.

When trying to communicate with deceased loved ones it is most important to have patience. Often they are just as anxious as we are to communicate with us, but the timing has to be right for all concerned. If there is someone you want to communicate with, here are some helpful tips:
1. The biggest obstacle will probably be your intellect, which will tell you that communicating with your loved one is impossible. It is not.
2. If you are obsessed with wanting to communicate with your departed, that will block you. Don't make it the most important thing in your life. You need to get on with your life, just as your loved one must.
3. Ask that you hear from them either through a sign or in a dream. Place a tablet by your bed for recording your dreams, and tell yourself when you go to bed to remember them. It takes some practice, but messages will start coming through if your deceased loved one is trying to communicate this way.
4. When little things happen, don't assume they are just coincidences. Keep notes of the odd little things that happen - but again, don't be obsessed. You may sense a familiar smell, or thoughts may run through your head almost as if the person is having a dialog with you. Little things do mean something. There are no coincidences.
5. Don't try to complicate the process. The messages usually come through in simple forms. When my deceased grandfather would visit me, I would always smell either green tea or vanilla ice cream. These are things he loved. My grandma brings my sister a bouquet of flowers whenever she visits her. My sister doesn't see them, but she smells them and just has a knowingness that it's Grandma. When a former male friend would visit, I would get the word "princess" over and over in my head. It was what he used to call me. Usually our soul friends have very little to say. They just want us to know they're there and that they love us.
6. Look for a reputable psychic who can contact souls on the other side. Not all psychics can, so make sure they know how. Go to a psychic you are referred to by someone you know. If a psychic focuses on negativity, tries to scare you, tells you there is a curse on you and for a sum of money can get it removed, get up and leave. This person is not on a spiritual path and you don't need this person's advice. You are fragile enough if you are in a grieving process - don't let such as person prey on your vulnerability. If you are desperate to communicate with a loved one, please let a little time pass so you can be objective when receiving information.

Here's a word of caution about obsessing: It's not uncommon when we are in a state of deep grief to want to know or feel that our loved one is nearby. We can't stand the void we feel, and some will do just about anything to communicate with a departed loved one. My brother Michael did several ghostbustings for Carol, who had lost her daughter. She desperately wanted to communicate with her. For several days she repeatedly asked her daughter to come to their home and talk to her.

Then she heard banging on the walls, footsteps on the stairs. She felt rushes of cold energy. It all became too much for her, and she called Michael. I went with him on two occasions, and each time saw the same thing: her daughter wasn't there, but several other young spirits were present. Each time Michael cleared the house and cautioned Carol not to call any more spirits. She was so determined to make contact with her daughter that Michael's visits to her house continued for quite some time.

The last time Michael and I went together, I asked my guides to please help us. They gave me an image of a door that was open to the spirit world. (I've heard other psychics refer to these doors as portals, from our world to the other side.) The guides said to ask the angels to please take the souls back to the other side. Many of the souls we saw seemed to be confused. An adult soul from limbo was leading them as if he were in charge of everyone.

Many psychics are reputable and loving. They have the best of intentions, which are to bring you the guidance you are seeking. Two very good mediums I'd like to mention have great reputations for communicating with deceased loved ones: George Anderson and James Van Praagh. I've never seen George Anderson, but have heard his work is phenomenal. Two books were written about his work: We Don't Die and We Are Not Forgotten, by J. Martin. I have seen, James Van Praagh numerous times on television, and I have the greatest respect for him. His book, Talking to Heaven, was a bestseller for several weeks. He is a highly gifted man, with a waiting list of three years. He travels throughout the country doing seminars.

People ask me why anyone would want to talk with a departed loved one. There are many reasons. For certain people, some kind of communication with their loved ones is important so they can put closure on the relationship. Others may need information to understand the person's death, especially if it was a difficult one or a suicide. Often a murder has been committed and there are few clues to solve it. Psychic contact has been effective in police work. And we all have a need of some kind to keep in touch with our loved ones, whether they're living or deceased. It's more intense for some than others. They need to know their deceased loved ones are doing okay so they can get on with their own lives. Here are a few examples of clients who came to communicate with a loved one.

It's Never Too Late to Heal the Pain
George came to me to talk with his mother, who had passed away ten years earlier. He had cancer and didn't have long to live. George had a strained relationship with his mother when she was living. She was very religious, very strict with him, and had instilled a lot of guilt in him he still hadn't resolved. He said he wanted to make peace with her before he died.

I asked the spirits if they would get her soul for us, but at first she would not come into the room. She was crying. After five or ten minutes her soul came into the room and said she had tried communicating with her son many times through dreams, wanting to apologize and tell him she had been wrong. She was beside herself with grief and guilt. Her soul said that she taught him what she had been taught, thinking that was the right way. But after getting to heaven and doing some healing, she realized that most of what she had believed and had taught him was a lie. She asked for his forgiveness several times. He cried, she cried. A tremendous healing took place that afternoon.

Justice Would Be Served
A mother and one of her daughters came to me to communicate with another daughter who had died mysteriously in a fire. They suspected the girl's fiancé had set the fire, but no one could prove it.
I could see the daughter's soul as she came through the tunnel and into my office. Then her soul described in great detail how her fiancé had knocked her unconscious in a hotel room, had driven her body to the building she was found in, and had set it on fire. His name was on the insurance policy. The insurance company had not yet paid the money because the circumstances looked suspicious, but no one could find any substantial clues. Her mother kept asking for some kind of concrete evidence she could take to the police. Her daughter's soul replied that there wasn't any evidence, but that she shouldn't worry because justice would come on the anniversary of her body's death.
Her mother and sister were really frustrated. I was, too, but I have learned that you can't push a spirit any more than you can push most people. As my clients left, I asked the mother to let me know what happened. She came back a week after the anniversary of her daughter's death and told me her daughter's fiancé had committed suicide on the date of her death.
Her daughter's soul came into the room, and all she said was that everything would now be just fine. The fiancé was in heaven and would have to contend with her and what he had done. She said, "Tell my mom everything's finally okay."

It's common sense to want some kind of proof from a psychic that the soul being communicated with is indeed the right soul. I think it is important to ask the soul to give you some proof, but I want to caution you as well. I have done many readings for people who want to communicate with deceased loved ones. Sometimes the soul will give many pieces of identifying information so that my client will know without a doubt that this is the loved one. Other times the soul gives a message that is very meaningful to it, but the client finds it insignificant.

Recently I channeled a message to a young woman whose mother had committed suicide when my client was a baby. The mother's soul poured her heart out, explaining all her feelings about taking her life and not raising her daughter, and about how she felt toward the girl's father. The mother's soul went through a great deal emotionally as she tried to reassure my client that the mother's suicide had nothing to do with her. The mother's soul disclosed a lot about herself and felt good about being so honest. I could see that the soul had been tormented for a long time.
The daughter asked for specific proof that this was her mother's soul. The soul looked at me with a sense of desperation. She was discouraged that her daughter didn't remember the events she had mentioned. I don't know why some deceased souls can recall things so clearly and others can't. In this case the mother's reality was so different now, twenty-five years later, that she didn't view earth experiences with the same dramatic feelings that we do. They were occurrences to her like many others, lessons she and her daughter had learned from.
The daughter asked if her mother's soul knew she was a grandmother, and the soul's response was, "Of course I know I'm a grandmother." The daughter asked why her mother's soul hadn't mentioned it, and the soul said she didn't understand what she was supposed to do or say. She knew her daughter was upset, but didn't know what her expectations were. She cared, but it was not the same real-life drama it was for her daughter. She was far more objective about it and far less attached to it than her daughter was.

When we go to the other side, we go to a very different culture. There is a prevailing calmness over there. The day-to-day dramas don't exist as we know them. Souls on the other side aren't caught up in the daily struggles we are or in the deep need to survive. They realize they have survived, and they see life here as a series of experiences to learn from. They don't always cling to the memories the way we have a tendency to do. They experience everything in present tense. There are no clocks or calendars, no time as we think of it. Yes, souls on the other side do have memories; they remember some of their yesterdays, but they're not necessarily the ones we remember.

Many people make up a code word with their almost departed loved one, thinking that if and when they go to a medium, the code word will ensure they have the right person. Code words don't always work. Sometimes the soul cannot remember what the code word was. I think it's because the conscious body-mind came up with the code word and perhaps it wasn't important to the soul. I have seen many souls bring through all kinds of pertinent information, and yet, when they can't remember the codes, their loved ones on this side don't believe it's them. I suggest that, if you are in a situation like this, you listen to the information intuitively. You'll know if this is your departed loved one or not. Don't be too rigid and decide that the meeting has to go a certain way. Your deceased loved one is living in a new place, a different reality. Your loved one has been through a tremendous transition and may not remember all the details you remember or would like your loved one to remember.

Finally, remember that departed loved ones may be having just as hard a time as we are accepting their deaths. It's very important to respect their process. Pulling on them too hard makes it harder for them to move on. If you are having a difficult time with the loss of a loved one, don't ask your loved one to comfort you. Seek out someone here who can help you. If your loved one is having a difficult time, perhaps it will do the same on the other side.

Life after physical death is truly a reunion back to our real life, our true existence. Just as our clothes cover our bodies, our bodies cover our souls. When our souls move out of our bodies and move on to the next dimension, they are free - free to see and know the truth about themselves, their lives, heaven, and God. Most are so glad to be Home that they don't want to think about anything else. Our souls planned their lives, were born into families who helped them live those lives, and met up with all the people and experiences they chose to have for their highest good. They gained a lot of knowledge and hopefully grew by leaps and bounds. When they were done, they turned in their physical bodies and returned Home, looking forward to a long rest.

From Echoes of the Soul, by Echo Bodine. Copyright © 1999 by Echo Bodine. Excerpted by arrangement with New World Library. $12.95. Available in local bookstores, or by calling 800-972-6657, ext. 52, or click here.